I'm a Waterman, it's what I do...
I haven't written a blog post in a year. That's pretty sad… Coming from a person that at one point, loved to write, more than talk. As I get older, I feel as if I am more in my head and in the clouds, than I am on the ground. I remember when I was paddling my surfski from Poipu to Salt Pond, on Kauai during a run last year, Jimmy Jasper said to me as I fretted that run, "Get out there Waterman, it's what you do. Paddle, you're gonna fall off, but you get back on and you go."
That's just what I did. The two times I did huli (fall off), my mind was elsewhere. I can actually remember the first time… I was thinking about Peter Pan. How living on Kauai is like living in the world of Peter Pan. No one grows up. Everyone lives with great love in their hearts on an island of enablers and is surrounded by absolute beauty, among a few pirates :). The other time, I was thinking about a great love of my life. A man that I shared my heart with... my soul with. We were meant for another time… another life.
So my point, stay focused on the prize and don't let the past interfere with your present, or better yet, your future. I read a blog that my cousin wrote about being a people pleaser. Always trying to make sure people had what they needed and help them in anyway she could, while forgetting about what she truly wanted. I ask myself that question ALL OF THE TIME. There are many things I want in life, but what do I need? I need food, I need shelter, a hand on my back, a swift kick in the ass... a push down the hill to get me going. Talking rough and gruff or soft and sweet doesn't always work for me.
A wild animal will not come to you without trust. Trust in your movements, your ease, your scent. An animal can be a better judge of character than a person. I like to think that I am that animal, well at least I know I can be when need be. I want to surround myself with amazing people. I want to learn from the best. I want to be surrounded by what I love. The ocean. Since being home here in Maine, the one thing I am most happy about was living on the island this summer and fall; in a cabin my brother, family and friends helped build before my mother passed. Paddling to and fro to work and trying to put some memories and good juju back in the bones of the island. Clean up her shores, give her a trim here and there from all the decaying matter to make room for the next generation. She's only a small island just off the shores of where generations of Waterman grew up.
I am proud of my family. Very proud. My oldest sister has traveled the world and speaks more languages than I own changes of socks. She raised me and made sure nothing happened to me after I had my brain tumor at the age of 3 and half… even though, I am sure there were times she wanted to suffocate me! My second eldest sister is a force just like my mother was. Her beauty can't even touch her strength. Her mind, determined and steadfast, if the shit hits the fan, I would take orders from her because she'd be right there beside me. My brother, although he may not want to admit it, he's just as brilliant and talented as my father. He has been blessed with the knowledge of the ocean above and below through pure osmosis and from his many "Sea Daddy's". Maybe a little DNA and RNA too… Above all, my siblings are humble and have passed on their strengths to their children as our parents did with us. Treat others as you would want to be treated. My mother put the fear of Mary in me… I was the "special one" for sure and would have to do the work of my siblings and myself, when it was just me at the farm. My father was the softer one. As bad ass of a man he was and still is, he taught me being tough doesn't mean being a douche. Watch out for the underdog… they are an important piece of the puzzle of life. Be the better person, don't act like you are the better person.
So why talk about paddling, the island and my family? Because they are what I love, they are what keeps bringing me back to the state I love so dearly. I have this internal struggle in my heart, my head and my compass rose. What am I doing, where am I going, and what I am doing right now… is it right? All three have one thing in common… my love for the ocean. I love Maine… "The Way Life Should Be" is our State motto and what a wonderful place to live it out, but maybe I need to apply my dyslexia to the motto a little… Maine, Life Should Be The Way.
Hell, I don't know. One thing I know that is for sure. I have seen some of the most beautiful places that our states right here in the good ole U.S. of A. have to offer. There is no better state than the one that you are from. I have sold Maine to many people. She's a damn beaut and has some of the most amazing talent that crosses that bridge. What can I say, we've got some good stock and we know how to get it done!
So when I moved to Hawaii… I totally understood their reasoning and feelings for outsiders. I would tell the locals that I would paddle or play with, "We're the same. You're just darker and the climate is warmer. If you came to where I am from, you would see that our lives are very similar. I come from Vikings, you come from Warriors." They could see my love for unity and the ocean.
I recently reread a post I wrote… Love of My Life… Meet My Boyfriend. These are reasons why I feel that writing is a wonderful reminder to go back and refresh your memory with wisdom you have written. That the words that you once wrote and lived are out there. As much as I grumble about the world wide web and all of it's technological minions… I can go to a place (this blog) where I write, journal, share my photography and the best part…. not lose it. It's out there for those that are willing and want to feel like they are right there with you. To bear my "chest" and not fret on what I have written.
So I am continuing to work on my journey, for me. Figuring out how I can be a better person, learn to ask for help, accept help, do what I love, make a life out of it and pass the torch to future teachers, mentors and leaders. Stop pin-balling all over the place and find my "tilt" in life, but maybe that is my life. I had and still have Olympic Dreams… but I feel those dreams would be sweeter, if they were helping children get there. Those little monkeys are our future and we need to build up little warriors that are confident and are the first to lend a hand without even thinking about it. Not be sheltered and afraid. I used to be the kid that no one picked, last one on the team, I never asked questions. Coaches never saw my abilities. Or maybe they did, but when you come from a small town… your name means everything. Well, I have always been proud of my name, proud of my family and proud of where I hail from. It took a stranger that knew nothing about me to lead me to what I feel is a true calling. When I started paddling in Hawaii, I swear, I was unstoppable! I paddled at night, in the rain, in crappy boats that filled with water. I didn't know any better and I didn't care. I looked at it all as training.
I did races where my paddle broke, my boat broke, I lost my boat, I was the only woman… I finished. I was addicted and wanted it and I didn't give up. I wanted so much! I wanted to SLEEP in the ocean. I would go to the beach and charge the waves at night on Kauai. I would jump off the Hanalei pier and swim at dusk when I knew a woman shouldn't. Knowing that my coaches grandson would catch sharks right there... I wanted to feel the force of the ocean. I was envious of the ocean. I wanted to be underwater. I wanted to be home. When I was sailing, I would drift off in my mind to a place that felt familiar while on night watch. I would watch the wild white horses of the ocean collide and want to ride with them. When we had 37 knot head winds and the jib furling unit broke, I wasn't scared as the bow would thrust itself deep in the water, while holding on to the boat like it was an 8 second ride. Maybe that's because Dylan is an amazing Oceanic Cowboy from the crazy east coast of South Africa. Crazy talk, I know, but have you every been in such love that it didn't matter what anyone said, anyone did, you were blind to it all. The ocean has already done everything that it could to my family and ones I love. One day, it will be my resting place.
I am going back to where I fell in love, to do what I love. To make not only myself proud, but to represent what I have done in the past and push myself forward. I am a Waterman and I am proud.
PADDLING Here is a link to a video that was made this summer thanks to the Maine Media Workshop.
That's just what I did. The two times I did huli (fall off), my mind was elsewhere. I can actually remember the first time… I was thinking about Peter Pan. How living on Kauai is like living in the world of Peter Pan. No one grows up. Everyone lives with great love in their hearts on an island of enablers and is surrounded by absolute beauty, among a few pirates :). The other time, I was thinking about a great love of my life. A man that I shared my heart with... my soul with. We were meant for another time… another life.
So my point, stay focused on the prize and don't let the past interfere with your present, or better yet, your future. I read a blog that my cousin wrote about being a people pleaser. Always trying to make sure people had what they needed and help them in anyway she could, while forgetting about what she truly wanted. I ask myself that question ALL OF THE TIME. There are many things I want in life, but what do I need? I need food, I need shelter, a hand on my back, a swift kick in the ass... a push down the hill to get me going. Talking rough and gruff or soft and sweet doesn't always work for me.
A wild animal will not come to you without trust. Trust in your movements, your ease, your scent. An animal can be a better judge of character than a person. I like to think that I am that animal, well at least I know I can be when need be. I want to surround myself with amazing people. I want to learn from the best. I want to be surrounded by what I love. The ocean. Since being home here in Maine, the one thing I am most happy about was living on the island this summer and fall; in a cabin my brother, family and friends helped build before my mother passed. Paddling to and fro to work and trying to put some memories and good juju back in the bones of the island. Clean up her shores, give her a trim here and there from all the decaying matter to make room for the next generation. She's only a small island just off the shores of where generations of Waterman grew up.
I am proud of my family. Very proud. My oldest sister has traveled the world and speaks more languages than I own changes of socks. She raised me and made sure nothing happened to me after I had my brain tumor at the age of 3 and half… even though, I am sure there were times she wanted to suffocate me! My second eldest sister is a force just like my mother was. Her beauty can't even touch her strength. Her mind, determined and steadfast, if the shit hits the fan, I would take orders from her because she'd be right there beside me. My brother, although he may not want to admit it, he's just as brilliant and talented as my father. He has been blessed with the knowledge of the ocean above and below through pure osmosis and from his many "Sea Daddy's". Maybe a little DNA and RNA too… Above all, my siblings are humble and have passed on their strengths to their children as our parents did with us. Treat others as you would want to be treated. My mother put the fear of Mary in me… I was the "special one" for sure and would have to do the work of my siblings and myself, when it was just me at the farm. My father was the softer one. As bad ass of a man he was and still is, he taught me being tough doesn't mean being a douche. Watch out for the underdog… they are an important piece of the puzzle of life. Be the better person, don't act like you are the better person.
So why talk about paddling, the island and my family? Because they are what I love, they are what keeps bringing me back to the state I love so dearly. I have this internal struggle in my heart, my head and my compass rose. What am I doing, where am I going, and what I am doing right now… is it right? All three have one thing in common… my love for the ocean. I love Maine… "The Way Life Should Be" is our State motto and what a wonderful place to live it out, but maybe I need to apply my dyslexia to the motto a little… Maine, Life Should Be The Way.
Hell, I don't know. One thing I know that is for sure. I have seen some of the most beautiful places that our states right here in the good ole U.S. of A. have to offer. There is no better state than the one that you are from. I have sold Maine to many people. She's a damn beaut and has some of the most amazing talent that crosses that bridge. What can I say, we've got some good stock and we know how to get it done!
So when I moved to Hawaii… I totally understood their reasoning and feelings for outsiders. I would tell the locals that I would paddle or play with, "We're the same. You're just darker and the climate is warmer. If you came to where I am from, you would see that our lives are very similar. I come from Vikings, you come from Warriors." They could see my love for unity and the ocean.
I recently reread a post I wrote… Love of My Life… Meet My Boyfriend. These are reasons why I feel that writing is a wonderful reminder to go back and refresh your memory with wisdom you have written. That the words that you once wrote and lived are out there. As much as I grumble about the world wide web and all of it's technological minions… I can go to a place (this blog) where I write, journal, share my photography and the best part…. not lose it. It's out there for those that are willing and want to feel like they are right there with you. To bear my "chest" and not fret on what I have written.
So I am continuing to work on my journey, for me. Figuring out how I can be a better person, learn to ask for help, accept help, do what I love, make a life out of it and pass the torch to future teachers, mentors and leaders. Stop pin-balling all over the place and find my "tilt" in life, but maybe that is my life. I had and still have Olympic Dreams… but I feel those dreams would be sweeter, if they were helping children get there. Those little monkeys are our future and we need to build up little warriors that are confident and are the first to lend a hand without even thinking about it. Not be sheltered and afraid. I used to be the kid that no one picked, last one on the team, I never asked questions. Coaches never saw my abilities. Or maybe they did, but when you come from a small town… your name means everything. Well, I have always been proud of my name, proud of my family and proud of where I hail from. It took a stranger that knew nothing about me to lead me to what I feel is a true calling. When I started paddling in Hawaii, I swear, I was unstoppable! I paddled at night, in the rain, in crappy boats that filled with water. I didn't know any better and I didn't care. I looked at it all as training.
I did races where my paddle broke, my boat broke, I lost my boat, I was the only woman… I finished. I was addicted and wanted it and I didn't give up. I wanted so much! I wanted to SLEEP in the ocean. I would go to the beach and charge the waves at night on Kauai. I would jump off the Hanalei pier and swim at dusk when I knew a woman shouldn't. Knowing that my coaches grandson would catch sharks right there... I wanted to feel the force of the ocean. I was envious of the ocean. I wanted to be underwater. I wanted to be home. When I was sailing, I would drift off in my mind to a place that felt familiar while on night watch. I would watch the wild white horses of the ocean collide and want to ride with them. When we had 37 knot head winds and the jib furling unit broke, I wasn't scared as the bow would thrust itself deep in the water, while holding on to the boat like it was an 8 second ride. Maybe that's because Dylan is an amazing Oceanic Cowboy from the crazy east coast of South Africa. Crazy talk, I know, but have you every been in such love that it didn't matter what anyone said, anyone did, you were blind to it all. The ocean has already done everything that it could to my family and ones I love. One day, it will be my resting place.
I am going back to where I fell in love, to do what I love. To make not only myself proud, but to represent what I have done in the past and push myself forward. I am a Waterman and I am proud.
PADDLING Here is a link to a video that was made this summer thanks to the Maine Media Workshop.
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| Thank You Cody Spinadel for a sterling friendship, powerful words and a great shot. |
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