A Time to Reflect
Found this rambling that was never posted whilst going through the ole computer. Sometimes I guess it just feels right to write it down, but then what's the sense of having a blog... if you don't put it out there... Enjoy. This was from 24SEPT17
I have sat at the computer, my ten different types of journals, backs of envelopes or whatever I could find to write on. I keep hitting a wall. I get part of what I think I want to say out. The music has to be right or there can't be music... wait, all I can hear is a lone bird and it makes me think of the island. Damnit! What was I thinking of! Needless to say, the weather has to be just right, the humidity, the correct underwear must be worn and I need my favorite flannel to hug me... oh and a candle, but wait, do I want tea with honey or lemon... maybe I'll try ginger.
I have sat at the computer, my ten different types of journals, backs of envelopes or whatever I could find to write on. I keep hitting a wall. I get part of what I think I want to say out. The music has to be right or there can't be music... wait, all I can hear is a lone bird and it makes me think of the island. Damnit! What was I thinking of! Needless to say, the weather has to be just right, the humidity, the correct underwear must be worn and I need my favorite flannel to hug me... oh and a candle, but wait, do I want tea with honey or lemon... maybe I'll try ginger.
That's my brain. It's like whisking a bowl of random ingredients. Mixing everything up and hoping something edible comes out. Maybe what I have to say, I'm afraid to say. It'll sound weird and may offend someone, but honestly... who gives a fuck.
Tomorrow is a big day for me. Wake up early, break in my brand spanking new Gym membership, go with Mr. Darbs for a drive North, maybe a swim and then... my first day of school. You know, life is pretty funny. You go through life trying to figure out it is that you want to be when you grow up, but what they never tell you... is sometimes you never grow up. You go through life thinking that this is it, life is always going to be you chasing XYZ and next thing you know, you're back in your hometown, pregnant, living with your family and wondering how you are going to make it all work out. Oh wait! I've got this alien growing in me. I've lost my body, my mind, my appetite for coffee and bacon, now I have to buy new clothes, but wait... I'm going home so I can live in sweats. No one will care. Then... I wake up. Thank you Jesus! Not sure if you would call that a nightmare, a slap of "get your shit together" before that becomes my reality, but whatever it was... I've got shit to do before that becomes my reality. Don't get me wrong... I LOVE KIDS, but I have to be the best me before I can become we.
I have always loved people. Watching them like an animal in nature. Watching their movement. Trying to understand their need for love, for touch, for the fluidity of movement. What makes them tick. I've met a lot of people and I've learned from them all.
Now here I am, in Utah of all places. Utah... who the hell would think I would end up living in a place like this... so close to the ocean! Well, the school and love are what brought me here. There's a lot for me to learn here and patience and listening is on that list. I will persevere and try and be the best me I can be, grow some (hopefully up and not out) and continue on to be the best damn massage therapist I can be.
Here goes... everything!
Tomorrow is a big day for me. Wake up early, break in my brand spanking new Gym membership, go with Mr. Darbs for a drive North, maybe a swim and then... my first day of school. You know, life is pretty funny. You go through life trying to figure out it is that you want to be when you grow up, but what they never tell you... is sometimes you never grow up. You go through life thinking that this is it, life is always going to be you chasing XYZ and next thing you know, you're back in your hometown, pregnant, living with your family and wondering how you are going to make it all work out. Oh wait! I've got this alien growing in me. I've lost my body, my mind, my appetite for coffee and bacon, now I have to buy new clothes, but wait... I'm going home so I can live in sweats. No one will care. Then... I wake up. Thank you Jesus! Not sure if you would call that a nightmare, a slap of "get your shit together" before that becomes my reality, but whatever it was... I've got shit to do before that becomes my reality. Don't get me wrong... I LOVE KIDS, but I have to be the best me before I can become we.
I have always loved people. Watching them like an animal in nature. Watching their movement. Trying to understand their need for love, for touch, for the fluidity of movement. What makes them tick. I've met a lot of people and I've learned from them all.
Now here I am, in Utah of all places. Utah... who the hell would think I would end up living in a place like this... so close to the ocean! Well, the school and love are what brought me here. There's a lot for me to learn here and patience and listening is on that list. I will persevere and try and be the best me I can be, grow some (hopefully up and not out) and continue on to be the best damn massage therapist I can be.
Here goes... everything!
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